


Bad boys and girl talk

by TheCuriousCat



Series: Worlds separated by a garden fence. [4]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Bilbo Baggins, BAMF Dís, Dark Dis, Dark Thorin, F/M, Female Bilbo Baggins, Fey Dis, Jealous Thorin Oakenshield, King Thorin, M/M, Possessive Thorin, Sassy Bilbo Baggins, Sassy Dis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:14:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29648397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCuriousCat/pseuds/TheCuriousCat
Summary: Dis doesn't quite understand her family's growing obsession with the human girl. She doesn't understand why Fili and Kili stop at the drawing Ori did every day, nor why Frerin spends anytime he's visiting gushing about how his step-son refuses to rip her teeth out because he likes her so much.She certainly doesn't understand Thorin's apocalyptic rage at finding out the girl has picked up a boyfriend so she decides to find out what the fuss is all about.She gets more than she bargained for.
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Bolg, Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Frerin/Thranduil (Tolkien), pre Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield
Series: Worlds separated by a garden fence. [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2172774
Comments: 6
Kudos: 57





	Bad boys and girl talk

Bilba is 16 years old and she's tired. Tired of the silence during home meals. Tired of the whispers that follow her during school. Tired of looking at the 'hot ones' and finding them lacking in comparison to the child eating monsters who haunt her dreams. 

And her weekly calls to the king aren't helping at all. Not since puberty kicked in. Her life sucks and her parents don't help at all. They want her to be normal, want her to talk and care about boys. They want a respectable Baggins and she's not been that since she meet Fili and Kili all those years ago. So Bilba is tired and maybe a little insane at this point, she's willing to do a lot to get that stupid royal family out of her head if only until she has to babysit again. Which is where Lee Burns came in.

Lee Burns is blonde haired, brown eyed and best of all he's openly a complete asshole. As far from Thorin as she can get. Well, he was captan of the football team which meant he was in charge of a group of people but beggars can't be choosers.

Bilba had discovered that Lee was interested in her way before he swaggered his way up to her. It had been the talk of the school for days, hottest guy in school Lee Burns planning to ask the adorable ball of fluff Bilba Baggins to the dance! Would she say yes? Would she say no? Would Lee fuck and leave her like he did every other girl or would she be the one to become the future Ms Burns? Frankly the whole thing was sickening but as she turned over the idea she found that it did have some merits. Maybe if she had sex with good old asshole Lee her dreams wouldn't call up images of King Thorin to fill the roll? By the time the prick actually walked up she was fully planning to say yes.

"Hey babe. You, me, dinner at Eddie's. Friday night at eight." .... Wow, just... wow. She jots down a note and hands it to him.

_'Can't do Friday, babysitting.'_

"Cancel." 

She imagines actually calling up Frerin to cancel and almost snorts, the only thing worse would be if Thranduil answered. No scratch that, the worst thing would be if Legolas answered. That little boy was vicious if he thought someone was taking her attention from him. She leans forward and taps the note before taking it back and adding to it.

_'Saturday?'_

He scowls for a moment then smirks. "Fine babe but your paying for your own food." He says smugly then just walks away. Lord and heaven above, she's already regretting this.

* * *

"Bilba!" Little Legolas cries happily as she walks up to his front door. "You came!"

"I always come Legolas. Fridays are your days remember." She says as she scoops him up and puts him on her hip.

"Yup! Forever and ever like uncle promised papa!" He laughs. She snorts and walks up to the door where Thranduil is waiting.

"How was your week Bilba?" He asks softly.

She smiles up at him and opens her mouth to answer when she's cut off. "Hey babe! I didn't know you'd be here!" Lee calls as he parks his car and jogs over. Her mind screeches to a halt. What the fuck was he doing here?!

"I'm sorry. Who might you be?" Thranduil's voice is cold as he looks Lee over, Lee is stupid or has balls of steel because he not only smirks up at Thranduil but also puts his arm around her shoulder.

"I'm Bilba's boyfriend, you must be the guys who she babysits for. Don't worry Mr, we'll take good care of the tyke." Lee says while he rubs his thumb over her shoulder blade. Please kill her now, just rip her head off and eat her. It would be so much less painful than this.

"Oh." Thranduil says looking her strait in the eye. "I'm afraid that I'm going to have to cancel tonight. We've decided to stay in." Meaning that he's going to immediately call Thorin about this, shit.

She's about beg him to reconsider, fuck keeping up appearances but Lee beats her to it the stupid fucking... "Really? Wicked, then we can go to Eddie's today after all! Thanks man!"

"Good evening Bilba." Thranduil says as he takes a very angry Legolas from her arms. "We'll see you next week."

She watches him step into the house and shut the door before Legolas starts loudly crying. Fuck. Lee had better be good in bed before he gets slaughtered or she's going to be so disappointed.

* * *

Eating at Eddie's with Lee is an... experience. He spends the whole time talking about his football team and how lucky she was that he went on the date with her in the first place. The only upside is that he kisses her at the end. It's her first kiss and it's mostly weird and wet but it's a kiss all the same and it's safe to say it's been permanently scorched from all of her fantasies. Maybe it won't matter if Lee is horrible at sex, if he's bad enough she'll be put off and she won't have to worry anymore anyway. A win win in her book.

"Come to the dance with me." It's not a question but she was planning to say yes anyway so it doesn't matter. "And tell your parents that you're spending the night with a friend." She sighs in her mind but nods. "Good, I'll see you next Saturday babe." He says then he gets in his car and drives away, leaving her in front of Eddie's with no way to get home. Scratch that upside, the guys a prick.

She sighs loudly and picks up her phone. "Can you pick me up?" She asks when Frerin answers the phone.

"Aw, what's wrong little Bilba? **Date** not go well?" She glares at where Lee's car disappeared to while Frerin radiants smugness so much that she can feel it through the phone.

"It went great." She says with false cheer just to shut him up. "But he needed to rush off so I'm stuck. I can walk if it's to much trouble."

"No. I'll come and get you, Thorin wanted a chat anyway." Great, what the hell did **he** want. "I'll be there in ten minutes, get me a chocolate milkshake would you? And a vanilla one for the other half as well, Legolas has been a nightmare." He hangs up before she can answer. She sighs again and goes back into Eddie's, he'd be insufferable if he turned up and she hadn't got him one.

* * *

The ride to Frerin's human house is quite with both of them drinking their drinks. The house is a mess when they enter it and a pissed off Thranduil is carrying a passed out Legolas up the stairs and to his room. He looks her over and softens slightly at the sight of the vanilla milkshake before he turns and continues. Frerin doesn't let her stop, he puts his hand on her back and leads her up the stairs and to his magical mirror. He then places the call and leaves again just as fast.

The mirror ripples twice before the reflection changes. " ** _What?!_** " Thorin snarls as he downs his glass of wine before pouring a new one, he doesn't even look at the mirror.

"Well if you're going to be like that then I'll just call back later." She huffs, stepping up to try and figure out how to hang up.

Thorin's eyes snap to her and she can see anger there, she's never seen him angry before. "Bilba." He says with false cheer, he slams the wine bottle down so hard she's surprised it doesn't shatter. "How was your date?"

"It was fine, why do you care?" She asks because she's curious. He wants her as a pet to his nephews, what does it matter if she screws around a few times before that? That seems to make him angrier if the small cracks forming on the wine bottles neck is any indication. She finds herself stupidly curious about how angry she can get him before he tosses the bottle. He might kill her and her parents slowly and painfully but she's done enough bad things protecting these monsters to deserve it. "He kissed me and everything." Thorin stops moving, stops breathing as well. "And he asked me to the dance coming up, told me to tell my parents that I was sleeping over at a friends." The bottle shatters in his hands but she can't seem to stop. She's on a roll and this asshole is finally feeling some of her frustrations. "Which we all know the meaning of. Again, why do you **care?** "

The repeat of her question snaps him back. "Because you are _ **mine!**_ " He snarls and it sends heat strait to her belly (for some reason. She's not sure what the feeling is but she'll look it up later.). "You are mine and you have been since the day you stepped foot in my kingdom." He stalks right up to the mirror, wine glass forgotten. " **I forbid you from seeing him again Bilba Baggins.** "

The binding words curl around her neck like a vice, she should have expected he would try with how angry she was making him but it had still been a shock. Still hurt. She stalks right up to the mirror until she's an inch away from his stupidly perfect face. "I'm going to the dance with him and after that I'm going to fuck him." She hisses right into his face and watches it twist into something truly terrifying up close.

"Is that so?" He snarls right in her face, the heat in her gut grows. Why is it even there? It's very distracting!

"It is and there is nothing you can do to stop me!" She snaps before turning on her heel and stalking away.

He has the fucking nerve to laugh, it's a cruel sound. "Watch me."

She slams to door and stalks to Legolas' room. She doesn't want to deal with Thranduil and Frerin who likely heard the whole thing. "Bilba?" Legolas asks sleepily.

"Hey sweetie." She says as she crawls into her bed. "Sorry if I woke you."

"It's okay, can I sleep with you?"

"Sure buddy." She lifts her covers and he scampers across the room and into her bed.

" _I'll kill him if he takes you away again._ " He whispers as he falls asleep clinging to her shirt.

" _You'll have to get in line._ " She whispers back after his breath evens out. 

* * *

Her dreams are plagued with images of Thorin holding her down and snarling 'Mine' into her face, she wakes up warm and uncomfortable. What is wrong with her? She picks up the still sleeping toddler and walks downstairs. "Morning." She mumbles to Thranduil and Frerin who are already sitting at the kitchen island.

"Good morning Bilba, I expect you to be here on Friday without that human." Thranduil says without taking his eyes off the harvesting reports in his right hand, he then drinks the coffee sitting in his left hand like this is an every day conversation.

"Of course, I didn't even know that he'd be there yesterday. I'll make sure it doesn't happen again."

"Good." 

And that was the end of the conversation. She woke Legolas up and helped feed him then she got him dressed and ready for his return to his kingdom, after that she let Frerin drive her home. Just like every week. 

Her parents were over the moon when she told them about Lee asking her to the dance, so much so that her mom even insisted that they go dress shopping which ended up being fun. The [dress](https://lensdump.com/i/WLPR73) she ended up settling on was really pretty and didn't remind her of Thorin's kingdom at all. (Okay, it did a little but that was just a coincidence. Promise.)

The week goes by in a flash. Lee spends the whole time with his arm slung around her and makes her sit with all of his friends. By the time it's Friday she's super glad that Lee has a game so she can slip away unnoticed, will this ruin her chances at falling into bed with the asshole? Maybe but at this point she's actually hoping that Thorin comes out of the shadows and stabs him so really, she's not that invested in her plan anymore.

"Bilba!" Legolas shouts as he runs up. "Auntie came to visit! Come see!" He grabs her hand and pulls her into his human house while her brain catches up.

Frerin's smile is sharp and pointed as she passes him which doesn't bode well for her, in the middle of the living room is a female Thorin. "Great, you're a girl now. Lovely." She snaps with a roll of her eyes.

Female Thorin blinks then laughs. "I've not heard that one before. My name is Dis, Thorin's twin though I don't expect you to remember that. It has been over a decade since we saw each other after all."

"Ah! Fili and Kili's mother, how are they? I haven't spoken to them in two weeks."

Dis' smile becomes less sharp. "They are doing well, upset at the news of your new human toy but quite willing to let you have your fun."

"Dis is helping you babysit tonight, we weren't sure if your toy was going to insert himself in again and she was already planning to come. Two kids one axe and all that." Frerin says as he drops a kiss to Legolas' head. "Have fun and don't get blood on Thranduil's new rug!" He calls then leaves. Bilba looks at Dis and Dis looks right back, this was going to be so awkward.

* * *

"... and then he ran through the halls, naked as the day he was born!" Dis exclaims making Bilba laugh.

"You're lying! You have to be, I can't imagine Thorin ever doing something like that!" She gasps out, Legolas had fallen to sleep an hour ago and Dis had decided to break open a bottle of wine. She had laughed loudly when Bilba refused to drink it and complemented her on being smart, the wine had been fairy wine and would have bound her like the candies did Otho. After Bilba had ordered a pizza and a bottle of wine for herself (Dis had actually ordered it because Bilba wasn't of age) they had settled on the couch where Dis had decided that Bilba needed to know all of Thorin's embarrassing secrets.

"I'm not I promise you. It's one of my best memories. Our grandfather went nuts but we were just children, we didn't know any better." Dis said as she took a gulp of her wine. "He's really upset you know." She blinks at Dis in confusion at her change of tone. "About making you angry last week I mean. He'd got some really bad news right before Frerin told him about your 'date'. Of course you didn't really help matters by telling him you were going to fuck the human in case you couldn't tell." She snorts and takes a large gulp of her own wine.

She's not sure if it's the wine or the fact that Dis is so easy to talk to that has her saying what she does next. "It's his fault this is happening in the first place! I just want to stop thinking about him for a bit, is that so much to ask?"

Dis laughs. "Oh maker, you sound like me when I met Vili! I can tell you now from experience that fucking the human toy isn't going to help at all, in fact it's going to make it worse because it'll be bad and so your brain will make Thorin even more appealing to make up for it."

"Fucking great!" She snarls as she takes an angry bite out of her pizza which makes Dis laugh more.

* * *

Bilba is dressed and ready for the dance. She already wants to be back in her bed sleeping the whole thing away. She walks down the stairs and smiles as mom and dad take photos with her then smiles when Lee turns up and poses for more photos. Lee opens the door for her in front of her parents so she smiles and climbs into the car. It takes two minutes for him to start complaining.

"You weren't at the game yesterday." He says in forced casualness, really? This is what he wanted to talk about? "We won and I went to look for you because _surely_ my girlfriend would want to congratulate me on my epic touchdown but you were nowhere to be seen." She rolls her eyes at the passenger side window but doesn't say anything, he knows she babysits on Friday. She had told him. "I expect you at the next one babe." A demand. One she won't be meeting since all of his games are on Friday's and, as she's already told him, **she babysits on Friday.**

He takes her silence as agreement even though he thinks her mute so to him she's always silent, why does Dis have to be right? Why does that whole family have to ruin every part of her?

They pull up to the dance as Bilba proceeds to have the worst night of her life, half the time she's bored out of her mind and the other half she spends keeping herself out of janitor closets for 'just a quick fuck to tide me over baby'. By the time he's high fiving his friends and leading her to his car she's contemplating being the one to stab him. They get to the car and he pins her to it then gives her another weird, wet kiss. His hands roam around her chest and butt. That's it! She's not doing this shit. She slams her knee in between his legs then smashes his face into his car's door, then she calls Frerin.

"Bilba?" He sounds out of breath. "You okay?" There is a shuffling sound under him and Bilba realized what she'd just interrupted.

"Umm, it's nothing. I'll be fine."

"No, don't do that. You called me at night for a reason, what's wrong?" God, how is it that a literal monster cares more about her feelings than a human?

"... Can I stay at yours tonight? I told mom and dad that I was staying at a friends tonight and my plans fell through." She asks, glaring at Lee.

"Course you can, Dis will pick you up. Anything else?"

"No, you can go back to fucking Thranduil now... Thank you." 

He laughs. "Don't mention it, your family. Dis'll be there soon." The line clicks off and Bilba leans against Lee's car to wait.

Dis gets there in five minutes. "I told you so." She says as she pops Frerin's car door open.

"Shut up." Bilba grumbles as she gets in.

* * *

Thorin has been waiting for hours and it's driving him insane. Thoughts of unknown humans placing their hands on his Bilba, fucking her in all manner of positions, have been circling his mind none stop since their argument. The only thing that had stopped him from slaughtering her parents and taking her had been Dis. His sister had reminded him about his plan to make Bilba come to him willingly then offered to go herself, to use words instead of actions to get Bilba to stay away from the human.

The mirror rippled from its place on the wall and he trips trying to answer it faster. Dis is smirking on the other end. 

"Be at peace brother, she's still untouched." Thorin sags in relief. "It was close though but constant exposure to our family might have twisted her human morals a tad." Dis' smile is wicked at that.

"What did she do?" He asks.

"He kissed her and started getting handsy so she kicked him in the junk then smashed his face into his car, left him knocked out and bleeding in the middle of the carpark without a second thought."

Pride and lust shoot through him at the image painted before him, two years he reminds himself. Two years and she'll be his.


End file.
